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Damien and Dante

Damien & Dante - notes

Dante first meets Damien when he works in grounds maintenance - ends up keeping the churchyard and grounds. (Damien helped him get the position).

- Damien is appealing and comforting to Dante, appearing like an older brother figure that Dante never had. Damien is charismatic and seems like an open person (reveals things to Dante to gain his trust  - actually were lies?).
- Damien and Dante end up living in close quarters a lot of the time, mainly as Dante has very little income and Damien offers to share what he has in him. (Dante does live separately but his accommodation is very poor and Damien lives in the church chambers which are a lot more comfortable and also safer).

- Not too long after their meeting, Damien starts to preach to Dante more about religion (Dante knows a fair amount from his adopted family) as well as discussing supernatural things and spiritual phenomena.
- Dante begins to trust Damien enough to reveal some of his past secrets - his nightmares are becoming increasing disturbing and Dante becomes terrified of what they mean. Especially after witnessing Violet day-walking several times. He tells Damien that he believes he is haunted. Dante becomes more dependent on Damien's company as he is afraid of being alone, as well as feeling that somehow Damien can help get rid of his haunting as he is a man of spiritual virtue.
- Damien starts to tell him that he will help him along his journey through life - he knows Dante suffers and wants to help him recover. (Offers to Baptise Dante). Dante is overly grateful and feels undeserving of such a good friend, having been apart from people for such a long time. Their relationship is very close, seemingly platonic, and Damien uses strong positive and negative reinforcement on Dante to start to control him.
- Damien uses his status to tell Dante that all that goes on between them is safe and that all sin committed can be repented as he is so close to God. Dante is naïve but Damien is also extremely manipulative. 

- Quickly after, Damien's infatuation with Dante starts to become apparent. When they are alone together (they read/study, do tasks together, discuss things etc.) Damien frequently puts his hands on Dante very intimately, embraces him and even shares a kiss with him to show his love for his friend.

Dante is confused and unsure of Damien's physical responses, but he has no previous experience and therefore feels he must trust Damien. Dante even starts to develop a liking for the affection (he is so lonely as well as being bi and a virgin, so he unaware of what these displays really mean). 

- They share a first kiss when they are alone in the community building - Dante is confused but enjoys the experience.
- Damien then introduces Dante to drugs. (Mainly opiates and alcohol), in an attempt to help him relax and also to regain control over Dante. Dante happily takes to drugs, due to his persistent nightmares/insomnia, but it leaves him even more vulnerable to Damien and his encroaching sinister agenda. Damien also takes lithium, partly to help with "excitable" mood swings, and to help block out any unpleasant memories that might try and regain some space in his mind.

- At one point Damien makes very physical advances to Dante but assures him that all is alright and that he shouldn't be afraid of what they do together. They share kisses and hold each other like lovers, Dante - still confused by this -  knows that Damien is all he has in the world and is convinced. After they engage in a sexual activity (oral/mutual masturbation) Dante is very afraid and sickened - He feels it is too much and he is unprepared to be touched so intimately, even though it does feel good. He knows that lust is a sin from the lessons he has learnt, even more so when involving two men. Damien then, loving, assures Dante that all is well (Dante is torn between liking the attention and being horrified by what it means). Damien repeatedly tells Dante that he is unable to help himself, and that Dante brings out the Devil in him. He should try to resist. (control/fetish etc.)

- But he also tells him that sin can be purged and that he will be forgiven. 

(Occasionally their relationship is calmer, there are periods are normality and even a mutual understanding).
- Damien is a sadist and hides it incredibly well but soon begins to inflict levels of pain on Dante during encounters (both sexual as well as violent).
- ???Dante decides he cannot take more of it but he has no one else and nowhere to go. Damien now has such intense control over him emotionally, physically and even financially it seems impossible to escape. Dante frequently considers running away from everything but it would mean destitution again.
- Damien often talks to Dante as a father would talk to a child - scolding him. It triggers things in Dante's mind and he feels hopefully trapped. Damien proclaims to Dante that -  you need me as much as I need you.  He also conveys that it is because of the sin he sees in Dante, he knows Dante cannot help it but it is there. He tell Dante that wants to help him but sometimes the righteous sides takes over and he cannot stop it.
- At times Damien responds lovingly and tells Dante that he will learn to accept punishment, only then can be he rid himself of any evil left from his parents. Dante is shocked by what Damien knows about him (Damien grew up in The Town itself and knew of Dante's parentage?) but is distracted by Damien's loving advances. 

- But from that point on Dante is left very afraid of Damien.

Damien does truly love Dante - in his own fucked up way.
This is partly what drives Damien over the edge, he cannot comprehend his love for Dante and doesn't know how to deal with the emotions.

Damien is a disturbing character, he hides his perverse side behind a mask of righteous and inflicts his sadistic desires through the teaching of the religious fanaticism and random sexual encounters. 
He was corrupted as a child, gaining only positivity from sexual acts (mainly men) and through preaching intense religious messages. He felt a sense of power over others when gaining status in the church and he soon felt he was unable to distinguish between power of position and power of control. He liked the idea of using people, taking what he needed and controlling their actions - he targeted Dante due to his innocent nature, but also he loved how he looked (very angelic). He was extremely attracted to Dante from the first encounter, his shy attitude and very fair, young and angelic features were appealing to him. He thought Dante was beautiful. 
Damien was always gay and very serious and ambitious as a child. He was sexually abused originally but then began to inflict sexual control over others as a result. As he grew older he would find others who he felt suited him and liked to perform sexual acts on them as a form of intense control. (obviously it was kept very secret - he aggressively threatened anyone who dared to say a word, convincing them that they had caused the sin). Although he is homosexual it is mainly the sexual power that gets him off, may do the same to women if he was so inclined.
(Damien has violent bipolar and narcissism, disguised by manipulation - environmental causes, excessive criticism which lead to lack of empathy. Stemming from abuse/neglect, focused on ideals of "right" and "wrong," determined to support ideas but also for own gain). 
Damien sometimes dreams of murdering Dante. 

In one 2007 study reported on by the Journal of Personality Disorders, people who’d experienced extreme abuse and mistreatment in childhood were 2.93 times more likely to be diagnosed with NPD than members of the general public. This level of risk was the highest among the four types of Cluster B personality disorders, and the second highest among all mental health disorders measured, trailing only obsessive-compulsive disorder.

https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder/causes-narcissistic-personality-disorder/



- Dante was easy to control due to his fear of Hell. Damien knew this and used it to his advantage. He was also intrigued by Dante's insight and his hidden depth - he wanted to understand him, desperate to control him mentally as well as physically.
- Despite Damien's sexual sins he felt absolved from them due to his status, he was utterly under the illusion that he was doing no wrong and that it was the others who convinced and tempted him. Damien saw the sexual acts as punishment for others,(fuelling his delusion that he was condemning others due to their own lust and that the evil within them was controlling him). Also mainly due to the fact that his "victims" were not completely willing he felt that this was their punishment. ---- Completely and utterly deluded. Perhaps deep down he knew that this was untrue but it was the only way he could continue and cope with how he was. Any slight threat to that mentality was met with violence.

- Damien's meeting with Dante - immediately enthralled by him, tries to disguise this. Damien appears friendly to others (he is a sociopath) but finds himself taken by surprise when he meets Dante. Dante's eyes seem so deep and intense to him and his soft angelic features completely distract Damien, he seems like an abandoned child (unable to truly hide his past) and Damien instantly feels attracted to him. Dante is shy and unable to have a decent part in the conversation, but Damien talks continuously while drinking in Dante's appearance with his eyes. Dante starts to feel comforted by Damien and feels more at ease as they talk. Damien, well rehearsed in social skills, uses his techniques to drawn Dante in and help him gain some confidence in him. But Dante is still a complex person to crack, but this only intrigues Damien more. Damien decides to keep an eye on Dante and learn more about him.

???
Damien could not cope with the realisation that they he and Dante were related. When Dante informed him of what he knew of his parentage Damien could not accept this - Dante tried to convince him that it was okay and there was some way to make sense of what had happened/what they had done but that it was over and done.
 But Damien would not listen, and flew into a (narcisstical) rage, and utter panic - something he had not experienced for a long time. He did actually love Dante (at least felt things for him he had not for any one else) and it was almost too much for his psyche to bear, on top of the fact that they were now discovered to be cousins. Also the added trauma of learning about his birth mother.
Damien could not control his rage and responded with violence to Dante, and even an attempt on his life. Dante tried to escape but was soon compromised. He resorted to grabbing a tool at hand and striking Damien to get him off. Once Damien was off him Dante could have fled but he found he could not - the fury and humiliation he had endured at the hands of Damien filled his mind and he could think of nothing else. He pinned Damien down and cleaved his head open with the tool he held, in dazed-out state, killing him where he lay. The snow was covered in Damien's blood. It took him several moments to fully realise what he had done and the gravity of the devastation was immense. 

Dante then hides the body by burying it in a half dug grave. He leaves it unmarked but convinces himself that it was good enough as it was within the churchyard. Desperately tries to forget where Damien is buried but he cannot. 



First affection with Dante. Their relationship starts fairly slowly, Dante is very naïve to the fact that Damien is attracted to him but Dante has very little knowledge of social behaviours although he is acutely aware of emotional changes so this makes him slightly unsure of Damien's intentions. Dante is bisexual but afraid of sex and love.

They spend time together in Damien's chambers, both genuinely appreciate the other ones' company as they have interesting conversations and both have a passion for studying. They begin by talking about religion and Damien takes over to explain the origin of sin and the ways that this "sin" has altered how humans are. This place is full of filth, it is disgusting really how immoral people are. 

DR Do you witness it a lot? 

DG Yes. It is hard to ignore. This place is drenched in debauchery. And it is in everyone. Damien drew in on a cigarette and appeared deep in thought. Dante looked over at him, a concerned expression played on his face, but Damien flashed a small smile at him.

DG Of course some indulgence is fine, the Lord permitting. Dante nods slowly, and turns to look around the room suddenly feeling a sense of shame over him. 

DG What is wrong? 

DR Nothing... just.. do you think that sin can ever be absolved? 

It can be.. if you are a Priest, laughs Damien. 

DR Truly? 

DG Well more or less.  

DR But what if you - 

Enough of that Dante! exclaimed Damien playfully, you still haven't even finished the page you were on an hour ago.  

Dante looked down at the book in his lap, his hand was pressed down on the page and it was true he had seemingly been reading the same thing over and over for the last hour, he smiled, embarrassed.

Is it no good then? Damien rolled over slightly from where he was reclining on the bed. Dante sat at the foot of the bed on a small chair, half resting on the wooden frame. 

Oh no! It is fascinating. Dante scanned the page again for the place he last read.

Damien shook his head, smiling, his dark eyes gleaming. 

You have a eagerness for knowledge and an attentiveness that is unique. 

I had humble beginning as I had to teach myself to read. And I only know some of the religious teachings from when I was a child.

Then enlighten me. Dante pondered for a moment.

Well I remember the ways one should pray, and how we should say blessings, and how so many people worship and revere these false idols in the form of the richest men and landowners. 

And the heretics are the worst. 

Dante caught Damien's gaze, he had moved closer to him and he was looking intently, lips slightly parted listening carefully. 

Dante looked at his resting hands, Well I know the non-believers were often the ones most punished, their lack of faith was troublesome as it would inspire others to turn from God. 

I was also taught of the fires of Hell.. He paused slightly, agitation growing. 

There the sinful would be cast away and would suffer forever in immortal torment. 

He practically whispered. 

But the ones who were virtuous would be rewarded.. Damien encouraged.

Yes, they would get to rest in the kingdom of Heaven, and be bestowed with God's love.  Dante said, recounting. 

Yes, Damien stated, And those ones would be given God's gifts. That is pretty much the morals and basics. 

Dante looked up, Damien was close. And will you be righteous and be bestowed God's gifts?

Dante looked alarmed by the confrontation but quickly noticed the humour in Damien's eyes.

He suddenly started grinning, and then Damien lent in close, Oh yes I think so Dante.

Dante smiled back in response, As long as I remember the teachings? 

Damien laughed, and it was at this point that Damien edged forward and was at eye level with Dante. Damien placed his hands over Dante's, then he suddenly leant right over the bed frame towards Dante. Suddenly an odd tension was mounting over Dante intensely. Then Damien gently placed his arms around Dante and kissed his cheek, his lips lingering on his skin softly. It lasted for but a moment but when Damien withdrew, Dante's expression was of utter surprise and confusion . Damien's cheeks were flushed and he appeared not to notice the reaction of his friend, but carried on laughing and his eyes continued to glisten. 

Dante backed up on the chair and looked at Damien, confused.
Damien sighed deeply, It is a blessing to have you as my friend.
This further confused Dante.
It was at that point that Dante wondered if he had misread something. Damien then moved back to his original position, his skin was still flushed but he kept smiling in an odd way.
Dante quickly looked back at his book but, to his surprise, it had fallen off his knees and onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve Damien started talking again, pretty much where the conversation left off. Dante just listened but gradually felt at ease and gave a weak smile to Damien. Eventually the two were deep in the throws of conversation. In fact by the end of the evening Dante was half asleep where he sat, peacefully listening to Damien's views of the world.
 After midnight Damien excused himself, leaving Dante to recline in the chair. On his return he brought Dante a blanket and leaned over him to bestow another gentle kiss on him. Dante did not flinch this time, but closed his eyes tightly. Affection was very unfamiliar to Dante but he allowed this without further resistance, and it was altogether not unpleasant.
Damien quickly crept off to bed and was asleep soon after. However, Dante stayed awake for a very long time, and when he finally slept he had nightmares. He dreamt of a soft angelic kiss that came through a veiled curtain, pale and ghostly like a thin mist. But when the sun rose above the early morning clouds he turned to face the cold and dead eyes of a corpse's countenance.

*

Then abruptly Damien stubbed out the cigarette on the side table and lent forward, moving his hands over Dante's shoulders as he pressed his body against his. Dante recoiled but found Damien's gentle touch fill him with strange comfort; feeling utterly torn between fleeing and surrendering.
Damien moved in to kiss Dante's face, moving his lips over Dante's skin slowly before trailing over to reach his mouth. He kissed Dante multiple times, light and gentle kisses that filled Dante with exhilaration, sending tiny nerves sparking all over his flesh. But Dante was resistant and tried to retreat backwards but this only encouraged Damien. He entwined his arms around Dante's waist with his fingers pressing firmly against the base of his back which sent shivers burning down Dante's spine and thighs.
Suddenly Dante pulled back, slamming his back into the wall behind, sweat now coated his forehead He looked pleadingly at Damien, his face a mask of intense confusion. Damien's eyes were surprised but there was an fiery defiance in them. He whispered softly but his expression was of stone, Easy.

Dante's eyes locked intensely with his Damien's; his friend felt they smoldered with such wonder, such innocence and desperation - hiding some deep meaning or purpose within those deep pale pools.
And then those bright orbs were sparkling with tears. His lips parted trying to form words, Damien waited until Dante finally uttered, I don't understand. Why?
Damien smiled in such a sly way it made Dante feel sick.
This must be something.. sinful. 
You think we are a sin? Damien retorted with a white hot fury suddenly blazing in his eyes. Dante felt himself cower even though he was trapped in a corner. So many thoughts whirled through his mind he felt that they would tear his skull to shreds. There was no avoiding the extremely wrong feeling he had, something was not right at all. He felt so sickened by his body he wanted to tear it open and step out of it.  And yet there was that undeniable reaction; the heated waves that washed over and over, and the trembling tension that lingered and tantalised his nerves.

You don't understand, Damien stated flatly. But.. you don't need to.
But I-
You don't understand, but I do. And I tell you that all is fine. You trust me?
Dante felt alarm growing, he could barely think straight. Damien continued, There is something in you Dante and I want to help, but you have to let me in. His eyes were gentler now and he was looking at Dante with grave concern.
What is it?
We cannot resist temptation - God will forgive us.
Damien then planted a warm amorous kiss on Dante's lips. There was little resistance of Damien in that moment but Dante felt himself almost eagerly leaning in. A hot taste and sudden tightening pleasure immersed him, weaving its way over his lips and mouth and spreading through his veins.
Then Damien withdrew. Dante felt shocked, the moment seemed to have ended so swiftly. Damien took a step back from Dante now and suddenly looked different; an odd dazed look had clouded his face - although his eyes were beacons, sparkling darkly.
He then turned to face the small window in the corner of the room, a peculiar smile seemed to be trying to surface but it could not quite make it. Then clasping his hands together lightly he made some utterance about getting cigarettes though Dante barely registered, his heart was still pounding loud enough to block out external noises. Damien then crossed the room to exit, looking over at Dante with the smile that had finally found a way to appear. It was familiar and brought ease to Dante but he was frozen by bewilderment so he did not respond in return. He heard Damien leave with the slightest tap of the door closing, and then the echo from beyond the door of his footsteps down the hollowed corridors.
Dante seemed to reawaken and clasped a hand over his mouth frowning deeply. He felt compromised for a few moments as his active mind span thoughts this way and that in a frenzy. When he finally felt calm enough he threw himself down on the nearby chair and brought his legs in tightly. The encounter was too much for him to dwell on, but he couldn't shake the conflicting feelings. As he gazed carelessly over at the window, the moon now was looming over the buildings and forcing its way through the threads of overcasts. It looked haunting and menacing. He wished for Damien to return, if only to provide him with some assurance and the comfort of a friend. But that was not the only reason - his mouth still tingled beneath his fingers, and that pleasant sensation still remained.







Damien kissed Dante passionately, his mouth working naturally and his grip on Dante's arms tightening.
Dante tried to copy by moving his lips slowly against Damien's mouth. Damien moaned deeply as he felt Dante's response and eagerly slipped his tongue through Dante's parting lips. This sent the hot waves flooding across Dante's body and his head started swimming. Damien cradled Dante as he felt him sway slightly, and then ever so slowly pushed Dante down to the mattress and then hurriedly climbed onto him. Dante's suddenly felt panic again as Damien explored his body with his hands, despite his best efforts to protest; he tried to sit up and struggle away but Damien was much stronger and he held him tightly. It then became too much for Dante and he turned his head forcefully away, breathlessly, Please stop.
It is okay, Damien whispered, but annoyance was clear in his voice.
You need to stop, I can't. 
Shush, just forget everything for a moment.
And Dante did, he tried to block the entire thing out his mind just as he had with the things he witnessed in Leon's home. But the screaming flames in every cell of his body could barely be ignored, the mounting pleasure was climbing higher each second, so much so that Dante didn't want it to end. But it kept forcing him back to confront reality of which he did not feel capable; he felt disgusted and afraid as Damien continued, but his own body quivered with intense pleasure. Finally he felt he could take it no longer, Damien's body juddered against his own just the pleasure climaxed. Damien came hard just as Dante did, gripping his stiff crotch. Damien's breath came out in short blasts, as he gradually recovered and eased himself back off the edge. Damien shook his head and breathed out slowly, getting up off Dante and straightening his clothes. He then simply gave Dante a vague look, ran his fingers through his hair and walked off out the room leaving Dante; tearful, used and empty.


diary entry


He felt the heat of Damien's flesh against his own.


Community / recreation building - run by the church.

Thankfully the doors were left unlocked! Finally Dante was able to close the door on the wintry outside. Upon slamming the huge door, immediate relief filled him and he hugged himself tightly. His breath still came out as vapour but he was immensely grateful for the shelter. He shook his boots and brushed his shoulders to knock off some of the snow before turning to walk down the main corridor. He had never been in this building before but had passed it every day - there was something eerie about it from the outside but the inside was quite welcoming. Large embroidered throws hung from the walls, as long and as grand as the drapes, and the corridors were brightly lit up with many lanterns flickering warmly along each side. There were quite a few corridors leading this way and that and many doors, so many that Dante was afraid about getting lost. As he walked further into the building he kept getting the distinct feeling that he would get into trouble if caught here but, as it was after hours, he concluded that it was unlikely to be anyone around save for a house servant or two. In fact he felt compelled to explore this new place.
He discovered that there were a lot of meeting rooms, peering curiously in each door as he walked by; every room was set out with over two dozen chairs and rows of long tables parallel to each other, and they all were different shapes and sizes. Dante found this odd as surely there weren't that many committees to warrant such a large selection - maybe some were used for funeral services as there seemed plenty of call for that sort of thing. He continued down the hallway until he reached the lobby. It was rather small, barely the size of a parlour, with a main staircase at the far end of the room leading upwards. There was a large door to the right which had a huge glass pane in it which overlooked the garden. Even though it was increasingly getting darker, Dante could see the snow was piling up against the outside walls and it had completely covered the bench and low fence structures. He shivered and clapped his gloved hands together. Surely one of the servants had left a fire going somewhere.


Ascends up the staircase, exploring the paintings on the walls as he goes. Feels a little unnerved by some of the portraits, feels himself getting lost in thought. Hears noises upstairs, freezes and tries to back track when Damien suddenly appears from one of the rooms on the upper level. He notices Dante instantly and looks very surprised. But really pleased.
Damien shook his head and asked Dante what he was doing here. Shouldn't you be at home by now or at the very least somewhere warm? (Damien talked in a very soft and calm way to Dante - the gentleness of his voice was an unusual comfort). Damien walked down the steps towards him until he met Dante on the landing. Dante's nervousness was obvious. That is why I am here Dante spoke shyly. I was working late when the snow storm seemed to peak. I just came in quickly as it was very cold. Dante looked embarrassed, he thought he was in trouble.

I didn't think anyone was in here. Dante stuttered, I thought I was alone, I thought it was empty.
Well it is. It is only us here. Damien words came out slowly, he seemed to savour them as he surveyed Dante.
There was an atmosphere between them, the same as before.  Dante suddenly became very flustered, he looked at his shoes to avoid Damien's gaze but ended up looking back up at him. Damien's eyes seemed to be scanning him up and down and when he saw Dante looking he gave a coy smile. What are you looking at? Damien chuckled,
Nothing, I wasn't being rude, you just - Damien shook his head playfully. It's okay. Damien continued to smile, straightening his jacket and still surveying Dante. The tension was spreading. Damien looked tense as well, stiffened posture and clenched muscles. Dante's heart was now beating faster, anticipation creeping over him  - but for what? Damien stepped forward. 

First proper kiss?
Dante felt himself holding his breath as Damien moved closer to him, edging him into the corner on the staircase landing. Backing Dante into a wall, Damien gently caressed Dante's hair with his fingertips letting the smallest blonde strands run through his fingers softly as he weaved an arm around Dante's waist. (Dante's skin tingled pleasantly as Damien's arm was slipped around him). Damien's face was inches from Dante's own, and his deep dark eyes seemed to draw Dante in. He felt Damien's other arm wrap around him, their bodies pressed closer together. Damien completely towered over Dante with his large stature, and Dante felt sure he would be afraid now but he was not. For some reason he felt comforted by Damien's embrace; the heat of Damien's body, his large arms around him, and the safety within the soft but firm grip that held him. He realised with a sudden crippling dismay that he had never been truly held before.
Damien moved up against Dante, flexing body against body, until his cheek lightly brushed Dante's. Dante could hear Damien's fast breathing in his ear and the subtle touch of his lips grazing over his skin. Dante shivered feeling tiny hairs stand up on his neck and arms, savouring the tender affection as Damien continued moving his mouth over Dante's jaw warming the flesh. Damien let out a sigh and his head touched Dante's (his dark crown merging with Dante's fair one), then he whispered so quietly it could scarcely be heard.
I have wanted to taste you for a such a long time. 

Then Damien covered Dante's mouth with his own and kissed deeply.
Dante didn't have time to recoil in shock. The pressure of Damien's kiss overthrew him and Damien had wound his hands through Dante's hair, pulling him close. A heat seemed to spread over Dante's skin, his lips burning hotly. Damien sounded almost breathless, letting out the softest of moans as he continued to kiss Dante. He worked his lips over Dante's, softly pulling and tasting as he excitedly delve deeper. *It felt good; so smooth like a tantalising feather touch that teased over Dante's nerves but firm and commanding with each movement. Damien's grip intensified as he leant in more and Dante found his own hands resting on Damien's waist and holding tightly. The skilfulness of Damien's actions and the brewing passion from his eager advances caused Dante to be utterly entranced. 
Suddenly a thud was heard from above them. Damien pulled back, listening, and looking up the staircase. He still held Dante but his grip had relaxed to Dante's shoulders. Then they both heard footsteps coming down the corridor above. Dante looked up at Damien; annoyance clear on Damien's face as he backed away from Dante and turned towards the direction of the sounds. Damien ran a hand through his thick dark hair just as __ appeared from around the corner. He looked pleasantly surprised to see Damien, Damien did not return the expression.
I didn't realise you were still here Father! 
Well I am. Damien replied bluntly, Dante could still irritability darkened his features but __ did not seem to notice.
I thought you might have left for home by now.
No. Like I said, still here. __ nodded brightly. Oh and -? He looked passed Damien to see Dante standing on the landing still in partially holed up in the corner.
Oh yes. This is our Church groundskeeper. Damien spoke very plainly gesturing carelessly towards Dante. A lot of preparations are needed for the upcoming festivities.
Of course! Of course. __ proclaimed cheerfully, clearly not picking up on Damien's stony responses. A brief pause passed, then Damien announced, In fact, Mr Lennard was just leaving. Damien directed his gaze at Dante, his expression vague and eyes serious. Dante felt confused at Damien's lack of engagement, and stood without moving for a moment. Damien's continued to look stern and Dante felt perturbed. Damien turned his attention to __. Seeing as you are here I still have matters to discuss. I will walk with you back through the grounds. Surely the snow has quietened down now. Damien spoke commandingly, his posture that of a experienced magistrate.
Oh. __ seemed to be in the mind to remain inside but Damien's attitude seemed to have some sobering affect on his airy attitude. I suppose I have mostly finished here. Damien inclined at __ without smiling.
__ then came down to the first landing. The two gentlemen then walked past Dante, Damien did not even give him acknowledgement or a second glance.  Dante simply stood there feeling bewildered.


________
First affection is when they are in Damien's quarters. First kiss is in the community building together.

(( Tension between the two that lasts for a long time - nearly kiss earlier but miss the opportunity, so when Damien sees Dante alone in the building he makes advances to him. Dante is intrigued by the attraction, Damien's interest in him sparks his own urges and sexuality)



Then Damien pushed Dante hard against the wall, so much it nearly knocked the wind from Dante. The chemicals in Dante's system made him feel numb and everything around him appeared strange and unreal. Damien hands shot down to Dante hips which he gripped tightly, pressing his body up against him, as he leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was soft and light but Damien delve deeply breathing heavily.





Damien lent in close to Dante. His breath was soft and warm against Dante's cheeks and his eyes locked with Dante's intensely. Damien reached up and stroked Dante's face tenderly. Dante could smell Damien's strong familiar scent, one that was strangely comforting and seemed to calm him. He could also smell whiskey strongly as Damien traced his fingertips over Dante's jaw before putting his hand under his chin, tilting his face towards his kiss. 

Damien's lips worked lightly and hotly over Dante's mouth. Dante felt the fine hairs stand up all over his body as the soft scrape of Damien's facial hair brushed over his skin, the kiss growing deeper.
Dante trembled as Damien pressed his body against his own. Then Damien's big arms wrapped around him tightly, and this time Dante felt an fierce excitement coarse through his veins - something he had never experienced before.
Dante stopped and pulled back from the kiss, looking at Damien intently. Damien's eyes were alight and glassy almost unfocused, maybe it was due to the drugs, but he smiled broadly showing his teeth. Dante could not return the expression, his head was spinning with delirium as his body seemed to pulse within Damien's embrace. Then Damien lent in again to gently kissed Dante. Dante found himself meeting the kiss eagerly, the taste, the movement and hot saliva between them made his muscles tighten.  Damien grinned again as he softly glided his tongue over Dante's lips, teasing Dante's already tantalising nerves. Dante could not help but let out a quiet moan. Damien tensed and let out a shuddering breath. Dante felt a heated bulge against his thigh as Damien pressed harder against him, pushing Dante up against the wall. Dante's chest heaved and his breathing was short. It was wrong, he knew it. It must be. But he still did nothing to stop Damien this time. He could have barely done anything if he had wanted to, with Damien's strong grip practically pinning his arms to his sides.
Then Damien moved his legs between Dante's, pushing his knees up against Dante's inner thighs easing them apart. A gasp escaped his lips as he felt the heated pressure of Damien forcing his hips hard against his own. Dante felt his crotch stiffen. He felt sickened by his body but didn't want this to stop.  Damien was now panting excitedly, his embrace dropping from Dante's shoulders as his hands ran down the length of Dante's body. Dante's arms were free now and, without thinking, he held tightly to Damien's waist, reeling from the pleasure that was rapidly washing over him. Then, realising, Dante pulled his hands away in distress. Damien stopped and looked down at Dante with slight furrowed brow, and reached down to take hold of Dante's hands. He caressed Dante's fingers and palms, and Dante suddenly felt a great sense of ease. Damien began kissing Dante's neck and throat as he firmly stroked his hands and up Dante's wrists. Dante was breathing fast as Damien gripped hold of his arms and placed his hands back around his waist. Before Dante could protest, Damien began passionately kissing him again. He explored Dante's body, stroking and gripping his hips and rubbing between his thighs. Dante's grip on Damien intensified  as the pleasure mounted. This further encouraged Damien. He began clawing at Dante's back and biting at the soft flesh between his shoulders and neck. And when Dante gasped in shock or pain, Damien moaned aloud and trembled. Before Dante noticed, his shirt had been unbuttoned to his navel and Damien weaved his hands inside to feel Dante's naked skin. Dante wanted to pull away but Damien's fingertips burned everywhere he touched. Dante found himself quietly moaning, closing his eyes, his virgin skin so sensitive to Damien's touch. 

Then Damien's hands shot to Dante's waistband. Dante opened his eyes wide to see Damien's own shining darkly. Damien began unfastening Dante's belt with shaking hands, shushing Dante by kissing his face. As soon as Dante's trousers were loosened, Damien began unbuttoning his own. Damien reached and forcibly took hold on Dante's hand before placing it down inside his trousers. Dante firstly felt the hot skin and heat from coarse body hair, before he was feeling Damien's rock hardness. Damien moaned aloud and bit his lip. He whispered to Dante, encouraging him as he slid his own hand down into Dante's underwear. His fingers firmly gripped Dante's prick and abruptly Dante let out a breathless moan. Damien swiftly began pumping the shaft, using his other hand to force Dante's harder into his crotch.  Dante felt the breath taken from him as the pleasure overwhelmed his body. He trembled all over and gripped hold of Damien tightly as he clenched his teeth. Oh my god. Damien moaned. Damien's forehead was greased with sweat and his cheeked were flushed. Harder, harder. He whispered to Dante, leaning over Dante's shoulder to press a hand against the wall behind them. Dante responded to Damien as best as he could but the mounting pleasure distracted him. He began gasping and half crying out. An awful shame and degradation fill him but he willed the pleasure to not cease. It blocked out all else, it closed off the pain and fear around him. Soon he felt the pleasure reaching a peak. Damien's grip suddenly became stronger, gripping so tight that it hurt. Then Damien sunk his teeth into Dante's collar bone. Dante cried out as he felt Damien's teeth dig in. Then Dante felt hot liquid spill all out over his fingers, coating his hand. Damien juddered against him and panting loudly. Then without warning Dante came for the first time.


He felt himself unravel and empty. His eyes rolled and his knees buckled slightly as the pleasure rushed through him and crashed like waves.  Damien held onto Dante before he fell, supporting him against the wall. Damien smiled, breathlessly he whispered, That was beautiful.
Dante felt uneasy on his feet so allowed Damien to help lead him over to the bed. He could hear that Damien was still panting but he had started smiling. Then Damien quickly went over to the cabinet near the door, picked up the cigarettes and lit two on the candle that was still flickering away. Coming back across the room he held one out to Dante who looked up blurry-eyed and bewildered. Damien then let out a short laugh, taking a draw on his own cigarette. Dante eventually took it from him. Damien then proceeded to button up this trousers, and at that point Dante realised he was still exposed and ashamedly adjusted his clothes. Damien then poured himself a drink from the decanter off the cabinet shelf and downed the entire glass immediately. He looked at Dante, grinned again, I think you should sleep here tonight. Dante looked up confused. I don't think I will be sleeping at all tonight, added Damien. He then poured himself a second drink from the decanter. He picked the glass up and took a small sip before walking over to Dante. He lent in close to Dante and gave him the lightest kiss with their lips only just brushing. Turning towards the door he gestured to the cabinet, Help yourself, won't you? 
















Dante shivered and shifted in his sleep. He half-lay on the armchair in Damien's chamber where he had passed out, his head lounging against the high back and legs dangling over one of the arms. Damien was watching him in the darkness. He sat very still on his bed, full clothed, feet firmly planted on the stone floor. He had dozed for a few hours after midnight but otherwise had been unable to sleep  - he felt it must be the presence of the one who lay so restlessly a few feet away.

The only light that was in the room came through the window on the far right side where the moon shone brightly and casted a silver glow on the room and its inhabitants. Damien's eyes glistened in the darkness, like a nocturnal creature he was poised, observing. Dante was now twisting and turning in the chair, his hands balled into fists and muscles twitching. Damien couldn't help wishing he knew what his companion was dreaming of, for the distress shown on Dante's features gave him the feeling that it must be worth witnessing. Damien glanced down at his hands on his knees, he was relaxed but his fingers seemed to tingle ever so slightly - an odd anticipation for the excitement of the unknown. (He had always believed that there was more to the world than what one could see. The secrets and mysteries were plentiful but only were open to be harnessed by some.) He flexed his arms to loosen the stiffness and cracked his knuckles. It was at that point that the softest sounds seem to break the silence, a small whimper that sounded fearful. Damien looked over at Dante, who was now writhing in the chair, brow furrowed and mouth parted. Dante continued to make the noises, completely in the throes of some monstrous nightmare.  Damien lent forward squinting in the gloom; he wanted to know what had a hold on his friend so unrelentingly, what sights he was witnessing in that dark world of the mind that was so entrenched in memory and trauma.
Finally Damien rose from the mattress and walked quietly over to where Dante lay. Up close, Dante was all the more mesmerising to watch; he had started thrashing as if surrounded by invisible pursuers, his young face contorted in fear. Damien knelt down beside the worn chair, almost face-level with Dante, staring with sheer fascination. Then gently, almost hesitatively, Damien reached a hand out using the tips of his fingers to caress Dante's cheek. His skin was hot to the touch, he was literally burning up. The radiating heat warmed Damien's cold flesh pleasantly and he spread his fingers across Dante's forehead until he was delicately stroking him. It did very little to calm his ward, but Damien continued. Dante was truly captivating, and Damien found himself looking longingly at those bowstring lips. As Dante carried on whining in anguish, Damien felt he could resist no longer and lent down to kiss his mouth. But before he got the chance Dante began crying out, almost weeping, and flailing wildly. He moved so frantically within his slumber terror that he rolled off the seat practically into Damien's arms. The fall seemed to awaken him some what but Dante continued to wail and his chest heaved feverishly. Damien naturally took hold of Dante and shook him firmly speaking his name, Wake up. Dante, wake up. Dante's eyes shot open - they were wide with terror. 
Where am I? 
Damien, now holding Dante as he crouched, felt Dante's sweat soaked arms against his own and Dante's entire body trembling. You are in my quarters. He uttered calmly. Dante looked around the darkened room, his breath still coming out in short blasts. Dante's body against his own felt rousing and it felt like soon Damien too would start trembling. Composing himself, Damien helped Dante sit up and brushed the wet hair out of his eyes. What did you dream? 
I … I don't remember.
Sure you do, coaxed Damien, attempting to lift Dante off the floor. Damien helped Dante back into the chair and quickly poured him a drink but Dante refused it. Damien waited impatiently with his eyes fixed on Dante who still appeared unfocussed. Eventually, Dante rubbed his hands over his face and seemed to shrink smaller into the chair.
I think I was at my Father's house. Dante paused as Damien listened eagerly.
And I was only a child.. I remember that. But the rest is a blur, it was just... horrible. 
Tell me. 
I only remember flashes; lights flickering - flames! And such horrible noises and... grasping hands.
Something was pursuing me.. I think it was her.  
Your dead mother? 
Yes. Dante answered tentatively. She always comes to me now, she never leaves. Dante started trembling again. It used to just be occasionally but now it is relentless. It is as though... she wants something from me. 
Damien frowned, What do you mean? 

It is like she is real, like she is coming for me. 

(( Tension between the two that lasts for a long time - nearly kiss earlier but miss the opportunity, so when Damien sees Dante alone in the building he makes advances to him. Dante is intrigued by the attraction, Damien's interest in him sparks his own urges and sexuality)

First proper kiss?

Dante felt himself holding his breath as Damien moved closer to him, edging him into the corner on the staircase landing. Backing Dante into a corner, Damien gently caressed Dante's hair with his fingertips letting the smallest blonde strands run through his fingers softly as he weaved an arm around Dante's waist. Damien's face was inches from Dante's own, and his deep dark eyes seemed to draw Dante in. He felt Damien's other arm wrap around him, their bodies pressed closer together. Damien completely towered over Dante with his large stature, and Dante felt sure he would be afraid now but he was not. For some reason he felt comforted by Damien's embrace; the heat of Damien's body, the safety within his arms and the soft but firm grip that held him. He realised with a sudden crippling dismay that he had never been truly held before.

Damien moved up against Dante, flexing body against body, until his cheek lightly brushed his own. Dante could hear Damien's fast breathing in his ear and the subtle touch of his lips grazing over his skin. Dante shivered feeling tiny hairs stand up on his neck and arms, savouring the tender affection as Damien continued moving his mouth over Dante's jaw warming the flesh. Damien let out a sigh and his head touched Dante's, then he whispered so quietly it could scarcely be heard.

I've wanted to taste you for a such a long time. 

Then Damien covered Dante's mouth with his own and kissed deeply.

Then Damien pushed Dante hard against the wall, so much it nearly knocked the wind from him. Damien hands shot down to Dante hips which he gripped tightly, pressing his body up against him, as he leant in for a kiss. It was soft and light but Damien delve deeply breathing heavily.

[They get interrupted by the sounds of someone else in the building. Damien is frustrated, but Dante is relieved. But afterwards he feels sexually aroused)

___________________________________

Late into the evening, and compiled with plenty of drink Dante stumbled around the room, laughing. He drew on his cigarette savouring the burning taste with relish as it filtered down and heated his lungs. Damien was drinking too; he was lazing on his bed propped up by a few pillows chuckling at Dante's performance. It was hot in the room, particularly from the smoke, so both had removed their boots and jackets, and Damien was already unbuttoning his shirt.  Dante started talking about fanciful ideas, thoughts and dreams he had had as a child. Damien just simply laughed .
Haven't you had any bizarre fantasies or dreams as child? Dante urged.
Not really. My childhood was mostly defined by discipline and study. Not to mention sacrifice. 
Really? Said Dante, sitting down at the foot of the bed. Yes, Damien whispered with a smile. After a pause he said Surely your Father put a stop to any dreams you had?
Dante froze, eyes cast down. He never left you anything to forge a life from, yet alone dreams. Dante's joyous demeanour changed, he became suddenly quiet. Damien crept up the bed towards Dante. He smiled, close to him, breathing in Dante's scent mixed with whiskey and opium. Sometimes the ones we are supposed to trust become our biggest traitors. Dante looked up, their eyes met; ebony and ice blue. You need to start again to forge yourself anew. 

Damien grinned widely, reaching down and taking Dante's cigarette and taking a drag, Don't dwell on the past. Dante managed a small smile - an intense fondness for his friend came over him, something that he hadn't felt before. He then reached for his cigarette back but Damien shook his head and backed up the bed smiling, beckoning Dante to join him. (Dante, bemused but still intoxicated, leaned over towards him.) Damien held the cigarette out to Dante but then withdrew when he reached for it. Hey! Dante laughed, realising Damien was toying with him. But Damien continued until the two were play-fighting. Eventually, Damien then caught hold of Dante pulling him hard against his body. Dante was still giggling, his light shining eyes were huge but his pupils tiny. The two were face to face as Damien took a long and deep drag on cigarette. Damien then brought his mouth close to Dante's lips. Heart pounding, Dante complied and leant in. Then Damien breathed the smoke into Dante open mouth. Dante reeled; the hot smoke felt so much stronger and his head started swimming. Damien drew again from the cigarette and this time, as Dante moved close,  he covered Dante's mouth with his own. Damien kissed Dante lightly as the smoke was barricaded between their lips. The smoke gradually seeped out from the corners of their mouths but Damien continued kissing Dante. Dante tried to pull back but exhilaration seemed to spark in his every nerve. But he then grew unsteady, Damien cradled him as he swayed slightly and nearly toppled forward. Without speaking, Damien took hold of Dante in his arms before lying him down on the mattress. Damien hurriedly crawled over Dante's body, pinning him down with his legs. He then kissed Dante hard, clutching at his hair and threading his hands through the blonde strands. Dante felt shocked but the chemicals in his system made a numbness creep over him, he felt distanced from himself and could only focus on the mounting pleasure. Damien was now panting, tasting Dante fiercely, his mouth working naturally and his grip tightening. Dante tried to respond by moving his lips slowly against Damien's mouth. Damien moaned deeply and eagerly slipped his tongue through Dante's parting lips. This sent the hot waves flooding across Dante's body.
The two trembled against each other.
*** Both enjoyed this. Gives Dante oral?



Damien suddenly pulled back, then slid down Dante's body. The world around Dante still felt numb, and he could barely feel the sensations of Damien's hands upon him. Then he felt a tug at his hips, he felt the fabric of his trousers being pulled and then his thighs being exposed. Damien’s excited breath could be heard and he let out a low moan of desire. Then without warning Dante felt Damien’s lips meet his flesh. Dante felt breathless. Damien worked frantically, using his mouth and tongue to taste Dante, drawing him in deeply until Dante felt himself grow rock hard. Dante moaned involuntarily,  the pleasure causing his entire body to tremble.

Damien burns him with the cigarette?











Dante stopped enjoying their romance when Damien became violent. Frequently forcing himself on Dante and inflicting pain.


 Suddenly panic set in as Damien explored his body with his hands, despite his best efforts to protest; he tried to sit up and struggle away but Damien was much stronger and he held him tightly.

It then became too much for Dante and he turned his head forcefully away, breathlessly, Please stop.

It is okay, Damien whispered, but annoyance was clear in his voice.

You need to stop, I can't. 

Shush, just forget everything for a moment.

And Dante did, he tried to block the entire thing out his mind just as he had with the things he witnessed in Leon's home. But the screaming flames in every cell of his body could barely be ignored, the mounting pleasure was climbing higher each second, so much so that Dante didn't want it to end. But it kept forcing him back to confront reality of which he did not feel capable; he felt disgusted and afraid as Damien continued, but his own body quivered with intense pleasure. Finally he felt he could take it no longer, Damien's body juddered against his own just the pleasure climaxed. Damien came hard just as Dante did, gripping his stiff crotch. Damien's breath came out in short blasts, as he gradually recovered and eased himself back off the edge. Damien shook his head and breathed out slowly, getting up off Dante and straightening his clothes. He then simply gave Dante a vague look, ran his fingers through his hair and walked off out the room leaving Dante; tearful, used and empty.

https://sunrisehouse.com/heroin-addiction-treatment/opium/

Incident in the church (Dante's visions)
Dante experiences a horrific vision from within the church.



Then Damien pushed Dante hard against the wall, so much it nearly knocked the wind from him. The chemicals in Dante's system made him feel numb and everything around him appeared strange and unreal. Damien hands shot down to Dante hips which he gripped tightly, pressing his body up against him, as he leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was soft and light but Damien delve deeply breathing heavily. Damien then pulled Dante away from the wall, leading him across the room as he continued to use his lips on Dante's mouth and throat. They reached the bed and Damien sat on the mattress pulling Dante's towards him as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Then Damien pulled Dante towards him, leaning back until he was flat on the mattress with Dante's body on top of him. Damien panted excitedly.


They were now both upon the bed together and Damien eagerly helped Dante to undress. Slowly and purposely,  Damien eased Dante out of his shirt and unfastened his trousers while softly kissing Dante's worried face. Damien bit his lip as he gazed at Dante's body, beginning to kiss his chest lightly, using his tongue to stroke the sensitive skin.
Damien used his hands to toy with Dante's body; his fingers moving over Dante's crotch and between his legs making him tremble. He stroked up the shaft of Dante's now hard prick, groaning with desire and tracing his fingers over Dante's rump. Damien became increasingly excited as he felt Dante's tender soft skin. Then, rolling over onto Dante and holding him tightly beneath him with one arm, Damien groped him hard. Dante gasped in shock, anxiety suddenly defining his features but Damien did not notice. Moving his free hand around Dante's body and down the cleft of his buttocks, he teased his fingers over Dante's most sensitive place. Dante's eyes rolled back in his head, the pleasure now overwhelming the fear. Dante tried to squirm away but Damien held him still, thrusting his fingers in and causing a powerful rush of sensation to fill Dante - disgust and ecstasy combining in such a perfect way that he found himself moaning aloud. 
Dante's pleasurable cries became louder and louder as Damien continued. Dante could not stop himself as Damien skilfully used his body, Damien moans matching his own as he pressed his sweltering skin against Dante's, his own crotch now pressed against Dante's.  Then Damien effortlessly lifted Dante up and flipped his body over. This time Dante protested, pulling away but Damien pushed him down into the mattress digging his nails hard into his neck and tightening the grip. Dante gasped and felt the bulk of Damien's weight crushing him. Dante then felt Damien's hard stiffness pressed against his naked flesh and felt unable to move. 
(drugs cause the scene to be warped, Dante doesn't understand what is happening. Feels trapped in a nightmare, images seem distorted but he can feel the pain).

Then he felt Damien slide in and open him up, suddenly and painfully. Even the drugs weren't enough to dull the pain and Dante cried out. He clenched his teeth and his eyes streamed as Damien moved forcefully. Dante could hear Damien breathless cries as he struggled to block it all out. (But between the horrible pain Dante could feel the sharp waves of pleasure filtering through.) He began to cry. Dante pushed his face into the sheets beneath him and clenched his fists. He loathed his body as it continued to twitch with arousal, and combined with the agony he was enduring it was almost unbearable. He practically screamed out.
(It seemed to last for so long but Damien finally jerked forward and finished. Dante felt Damien's weight lift off him but did nothing togt move. He could hear Damien move off the mattress and the sound of him lighting a cigarette. Then Damien moved back onto the bed and lay down near to where Dante lay, now curling himself up defensively. Damien lay on the pillows smoking before eventually falling into a doze. Damien hand lay relaxed close to Dante and occasionally he stroked Dante's sweat soaked cheek. Dante lay in complete still silence as he felt the remaining sensations of Damien's abuse begin to fade away. Somehow Dante found himself drifting into sleep, the amount of drugs in his system making the whole scene feel like something from a nightmare and slumber seemed a way to escape it. And, as the darkness clouded his vision and mind as he slipped away, he succumbed to the other beckoning world of horror.



Another time:
Pinning him down on his back, Damien pushes and eases himself into Dante. Dante wails in pain but Damien strokes his face softly. This time was less painful but Dante still sobbed. It wasn't until Damien had been bearing down on Dante for some time when the pain seemed to melt away. All that remained was a hot tight pleasure that burned through Dante's nerves. He moaned deliriously, all the time still trying to helplessly fight Damien but succumbing to the pleasure. As Damien thrusted hard and deeply Dante felt himself being brought to the edge, it felt unreal and disturbing but unavoidable.

Night after Damien's abuse.

Dante wakes up to find Damien sitting next to him. Dante does not respond to Damien's words, just lies still and silently. Damien seems in a good mood, happy and content. Dante feels himself trembling but still does not move from the bed. When Damien leaves the pain overwhelms Dante.

Dante felt a horrible sickness pass over him and he truly felt as if his heart was breaking as the realisation dawned on him. It all passed over him in a way he couldn't conceal, he shook with sheer emotion. 

The heavy load of sin seemed to shroud his form like a weighted mantel. For a moment he imagined dashing his brains out with metal iron that rested on the stove. He fantasised slicing through his wrists and ankles with the knife that lay amongst the kitchenware. And he envisioned cracking his skulk on the cold tiled floor beneath him. Those icy slabs seemed to beckon him; he struggled to the edge of the bed, untangling the blankets and tumbling to the floor like a lifeless doll. The cold ground caused him to intake sharply but the freezing sensation was strangely comforting as it chilled his sweltering skin. He lay on the cold floor, pressing his forehead hard against the ground, the terror and unbearable truth crushing him until he felt he couldn't breath. The night's confusion, humiliation and pain came flooding back and he couldn't stop it filling his head. The pain was so inexplicably entwinned with feelings of pleasure and unbalance that it send his mind spinning. He could barely be sure of what had occurred and what degradation he had suffered - or more importantly, allowed; succumbed. Bile rose in his throat, his muscles quivered and eyes filled with tears. He felt emptier than he had ever felt since the night of Leon's suicide.

***I felt my eyes freeze over as I gazed onto the scene before me. Never before had I felt so cold within and so comatose. The room was silent. I could feel the breath of my companion whistle through my very chest and chill my lungs. I could not quite take it upon myself to move from where I was; I continued to stand in the corner of the room, back squared against stone and arms hugging myself. 

Sadness fell over me, I could not breathe easy. My body trembled with sickness and my mind rippled in dreaded realisation. It suddenly became clear how far I had strayed from myself and how much I had sacrificed to become something I utterly loathed. Prickling dread and fear seeped over my shoulders and filled the pores in my skin.

 Damien still slept. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. I clenched my fists and gnashed my teeth, looking out of my nook at this man lying on the couch on a strewn threadbare blanket. Real tears leaked themselves out of my eyes and trickled down my cheeks slowly; the light from the windows shone on my face and blurred my vision even more. I felt the nebulous view of everything gradually slipping completely over my eyes like a blindfold.

I could hear nothing outside. I felt numbed and my senses all dulled. The smoke was still settling in the room from last night and the air smelt of the thick residue of opium. My mouth was parched and dry, I licked my lips but it made no difference. My tongue swelled and my head swam with illness and shaking exhaustion.***

Damien tries to reconcile with Dante after the first incident (the one Dante was aware of).
He coaxed Dante to him and told him he was sorry he had hurt him - he just couldn't resist him. He was so special and unique and he just became overwhelmed. God will forgive him. Dante is still afraid but has nowhere else to turn to. Damien suddenly begins kissing Dante but very lovingly and softly, holding Dante in his arms. Dante breaks down. Damien holds him. Damien sits on the floor and holds Dante who cries over the trauma and his daily struggles with hallucinations. Dante eventually falls asleep and Damien places him in the bed.

After the rape Damien doesn't have sex with Dante for a while. But still continues to use him for pleasure and becomes violent. Midsummer's Eve* night is an example of the change in dynamic.





Old ideas; the violence:

Smoke filled the room and Dante’s lungs. His systems soared with new toxins and the familiar infiltration of panic. Damien stood in the centre of the room drinking from a long bottle of copper liquid and humming to himself in an eerie fashion. Dante’s eyes flickered back and forth frantically as his vision began to dimmer and the candle lit room swam and wobbled in and out of focus. Damien seemed unaffected by the fumes, perhaps even exalted by the haze. Dante lolled his head back against the stone wall and felt the harsh coldness of the bricks against the nape of his neck and back of his skull. The icy feeling made him feel calmer but only briefly. Damien flashed a manic look in his direction.

Even from the dark side of the room Dante could see Damien’s eyes were glinting, sparkling in that sinister way they always did when Damien was excited. The gagging lump of dread wedged itself in Dante’s throat while his body flushed and tingled unpleasantly. Every hair on his body prickled and puckered up the skin in anticipation mixed with fear. Damien placed the bottle on the floor and strode across the room in a firm and steady pace, a balance Dante was sure he would not be able to maintain himself, and sat down beside Dante on the bed.

Dante’s back quivered as Damien ran his fingertips down his spine and stroked his shoulders. Dante inhaled strongly through his nostrils and let the air out shuddering. Damien was looking at him but Dante kept his gaze across the room as he feared to look into Damien’s sparkling eyes. He was dismayed to discover that Damien’s breathing was calm and stable while his own was rapid and hoarse.

“Dante, whatever is wrong? You seem so agitated.” Damien tuneful voice whistled through the smoke filled room and gently fell on Dante’s ears. He gritted his teeth and tried to remain focused on the opposite wall but his vision was slowly was falling aside to Damien’s boots next to his own. Dante knew Damien was toying with him, he had grown accustomed to Damien’s manner by now but could not seem to avoid being overwrought by it. Also the urge to curl up and give in to Damien’s comfort was almost too great.

Unexpectedly, Dante started as Damien began to nuzzle his neck and kiss his throat softly. Dante gasped and clenched his fists against his legs. Damien continued to breathe gently over Dante’s skin warming and tickling his flesh amorously. No, no. Dante sat rigid and as up-straight as he could with his spinning head desperately trying to ignore Damien, for there was little other resistance.

“Damien…” Dante began croakily but Damien slipped his tongue out and slid it over Dante’s jaw and around his neck, moving further down towards Dante’s chest licking more vigorously. A whimper escaped Dante’s mouth as he forced himself to drive all feeling away but fruitlessly. Damien already was leaning over Dante, nearly on his lap. Suddenly Dante gasped sharply in pain as Damien pushed his knuckles into his ribcage. Dante stared at Damien wide-eyed, smoke filling his eyes making them water and burn red. Damien bit at Dante’s cheek hard and then kissed the place he made bleed. Dante felt himself nearly sob as the opium whirled around his system and Damien gripped hold of him. Dante helplessly tried to lift Damien’s weight off him but Damien was much stronger.

He shushed Dante gently just as a mother would do to her child; Dante felt his mind slip in that moment. He felt empty and heartless; all he could feel was Damien’s forceful yet passionate advances. Damien made a violent lunge at Dante knocking him sideways. The smoke cushioned Dante’s senses and he fell right over on the bed onto his back, Damien lay on top of his body. Here, Dante knew there was no escape from Damien’s intentions and lay back, eyes closed tightly, as Damien’s arms held him and his hands moved over his body. Before Dante passed out he felt Damien place a sweet almost loving kiss on his lips as Damien fondled that oh so sensitive spot that caused Dante to moan aloud.      

The shadows broke and rippled, like the light gleaming off their sweat soaked skin in the darkness. Damien breathed out for a long time, his breath was misty vapour in the cold evening but their bodies seemed to boil and project heat into their surroundings like steam. Dante’s skull felt soft and heavy and seemed as if detached from his spine. His eyes were dry and his skin chapped, scarred by the chilly air. His flesh was ripped and scratched, by both tooth and nail.

Dante’s back smarted. The rough bark of the pines dug and scratched him where the prickly fibres scraped his skin. The abrasions on the surface were ones ascending from bottom of the spine to the shoulders, where he had been forced and pushed up against the tree. He raked in open mouthfuls of air as though his lungs were filtered and the atmosphere around him did not offer them enough to breathe.

Dante could feel Damien’s tongue stroking the exposed skin on his chest where his shirt was undone and he could feel Damien’s hands gripping his thighs and pulling them against his own. Dante moved his head around and found himself struggling which only made Damien more aggressive. Groping and clawing at Dante’s body with harsh rapid gasps, making Dante feel weaker than ever.  

The overcasts of clouds skimmed the sky in threads, filtering the moon in and out of view. Dante looked directly up at it pleading for some sort of salvation to save him and fix his mind. His body was becoming Damien’s puppet and he needed to know whether he was truly losing his mind, falling into a void of no morals and shocking sensations that came in burning waves. These waves began in Dante’s sides then seeped their way up his torso and up his back, then slowly down the backs of his legs and between them. Little cries, like tiny whimpers, escaped Dante’s lips as Damien pressed his own body against his forcefully but caressed Dante’s thighs and around them with the gentleness of a lover.

In his head nothing made sense to Dante, all thoughts that could be grasped were ones of the surreal evening; with the bright lights and crowds and crowds of people, friendly to each other for just one night when liquor poisoned their grudges and softened their ways. And opened their legs. It had seemed that everyone had melted into each other, dripping their remaining colours and consciences; the whole gathering merging into of mass of sweltering disgrace and degradation with sedulous pain and bloody lust. Or maybe that was just Dante’s memories, all of them flowing from the back of his mind where he could not hold the barrier up to stop them, alcohol making his brain’s defences dissolve.

Without realising Dante had stretched his legs open and let Damien explore his body some more. Damien’s hands were like vipers; they snatched and grabbed hold with venomous fangs and squeezed tight with slippery skin and choked their prey. The burning sensations grew higher and higher like a bonfire climbing the night. Dante found himself leaning further back and gasping, sweat now pouring down his face and chest.  Dante felt Damien’s hands stroke at his stomach and the fabric of his waistband while kissing lustfully at his throat and sucking the skin.  Then with shaking fingers, Damien unbuckled Dante’s belt and unfastened his trousers, pulling them down.

He slid his hands rapidly up and down Dante’s legs, slowly moving his body further down. Their bodies trembled and breath was harsh against each others skin, Damien moved right down onto his knees as if bowing, rubbing his head down low. Dante moaned and found himself instantly breathless. Disgust and pleasure spread throughout him, scalding fire leaping over his body.  Dante cried out, as though the flames were real and tried to prise Damien off of him. Suddenly flashes of pain struck Dante’s ribcage like lightening. In his hazy mind Dante barely registered what had happened, and now his ribs screamed in pain and he threw Damien backwards from him as hard as he could.

But this was not very hard at all and Damien was at Dante’s side again shaking violently, his face scarred with perplexed fury. Then pain rocketed again and again. This time in Dante’s spine. The pain came constantly and thudded in dull stabs but it also seemed to excel. Dante screamed as he felt Damien’s knuckles dig into his bruised spine and his head collide with his broken ribs. He gasped and felt sobs spill out as he could not stop Damien and the pain became more intense. Then, while still gripping Dante’s torso, Damien slid right down and used his teeth to remove Dante’s undergarments. Damien moved his head upwards and put Dante into his mouth, using his tongue viciously.

Dante panted and his body quivered.  He closed his eyes tightly and tears leaked out and ran down his face. He wished himself to be anywhere else in the whole world but could not help succumbing to the horrific desire. Dante cried out once more and withered against the tree; as he completely lost himself within his mind, there glowed the image of someone he knew in the twilight of the deserted woods. Someone who brought healing and who brought bliss, she was like an angel. For some reason Dante could not distinguish, the apparition was of Rosella. Dante wailed with confusion and delirium but her image kept wavering, she was fading as the sensations of reality were too vivid to ignore. Damien dug his teeth in as he worked his way up and down while Dante’s agony and inflammation of his battered muscles and bones grew. Screaming, this pain dripped and brewed with such burning passion that Dante’s head was spinning and his soul shrieked out in terrified exaltation. Every movement was both pleasure and pain, emotions so perfect it felt like insanity. 

                                                                                              

Dante leant back and heard his ribs snap. He screamed out. Damien had left him ragged and ruined in the cellar, drenched in sweat and flecks of both their blood. The grit that covered floor felt like glass beneath Dante’s bare back and burnt against his swelling bleeding flesh. Surely he could not last much longer?

He tried his best to cover his broken ribcage but the pain kept blinding him. He gingerly felt for the broken ones and discovered it was his floating rib and two above. He had broken one of them before. He remembered it had only been five months ago. Damien was brutal and to Dante’s horror it seemed Damien enjoyed that splintering sound of Dante’s body falling apart. Will he come back? Dante thought with panic, and whatever will he do? Why did Damien become so violent all of a sudden? That was what really terrified Dante. Damien had left after muttering to himself furiously about something to do with secrets and liars. Dante had not been paying attention for the pain but now his mind was ticking away rapidly.

The room was still dark but looked a little lighter than before. Dante breathed out slowly, he was quite sure Damien would not come back down here past dawn as it would be too conspicuous to others. Therefore, Dante had a chance to regroup himself and try and figure out how to get as far away as possible, for now. Suddenly Dante cringed awfully, feeling utterly disgust at himself. Why could he not escape? What stopped him? Why and why was it so hard to break away? Because I have no one else.

Dante felt down his body to look for any more injuries, a few bruises but not much else. It was always the fiery agony in his spine and ribcage that caused him to buckle. Damien would not break any other bones usually but Dante was more concerned about his ribs puncturing his lungs. As Dante tried to sit up his entire head and neck went numb, only the tiniest trickle of blood on his forehead could be felt. Dante wiped his fingers gently over the cut in his hairline. He could not quite remember how it happened but it was likely it had been when his skull struck the floor. His fingertips traced the gash in his sweat soaked hair; he stroked his index finger along it around the purple bruised skin and the torn sides and right inside the cut feeling the smooth exposed flesh beneath the skin.

He winced but also sighed with relief. He felt more real this way; he could feel himself inside out. It felt so good to feel real even for a moment. A fleeting touch of secret pleasure, and that pleasure was life. Not grief, not death nor rage or lust - his own place of safety, found in the strangest things.

Sitting up was difficult in that position, pain spread down his spinal cord and over his muscles. Dante took a sharp intake and vomited onto the stone floor. He wailed out across the empty room in misery. There was no chance anyone would hear him from far down here.

“Help?” Dante’s plea was spoken out loud for he could not keep it within him. The pain he felt in his mind brewed and bubbled against his consciousness. The hours seemed to crawl by. He had not the strength to lift himself from the floor, he was sure his legs would crumble beneath him. Vision and images floated before his eyes as the pain rose and fell. Violet stood there shimmering like a mirage as if a pebble had shattered her reflection in water. Her face glowed and bled as Dante blinked and squinted against the dull throbbing in his ribcage. He could taste blood and felt sure that it was the blood pouring from Violet’s pores that flooded his mouth. Where is Leon? Where is Leon? She called constantly.

Damien pushed Dante down onto the mattress with ease. He stroked Dante's hair softly as he continued to kiss him and crawl over his body. Dante's hands gently held Damien around the waist as Damien passionately touched and caressed Dante.




Damien gently led Dante over to the bed. While kissing, Damien pushed Dante down to sit on the mattress as he eagerly dropped to his knees. Damien grinned excitedly, his eyes sparkling in that peculiar way. He sat up slightly from his position, looking at Dante with yearning desire, as he slowly moved his hands down towards Dante's thighs. He began to gently caress between them, using his fingers tentatively and teasing his way up. Dante's breathing had become rapid. He felt he couldn't resist succumbing Damien's skilful touch, despite the very wrong feelings he felt. Then suddenly Damien gripped tightly hold of Dante's crotch. Dante moaned aloud, feeling ashamed but unable to stop himself. Damien grinned wider, seeming to love watching Dante's reactions to every touch and movement. Damien continued to squeeze and massage until they could both felt Dante harden.
Then Damien started unfastening Dante's trousers. Dante could feel his heart pounding and a flicker of anxiety flashed in his eyes, but Damien barely noticed. Slowly he unbuttoned Dante's garments, taking his time, and biting his lip as he slid the fabric down past Dante's hips. Abruptly, Dante grabbed hold of Damien's arm, his cheeks flushed but anguish defined his features. No please, wait. Wait. 
Damien looked up at Dante with his dark eyes, they were fixated on him looking almost like empty black wells. But despite his stony gaze, Damien's expression was relaxed and he quietly shushed Dante while he stroked his fingers over the hand that held his arm back. He leant up and started kissing Dante, pulling his arm free and wrapping it around Dante's body, working his lips lovingly until Dante's defences softened. Then he gradually began moving down Dante's body, using his lips on Dante's neck, his tongue on his collar bones, trailing his mouth down his torso and until he reached Dante's hips. Dante was now trembling; his nerves felt aflame but it was all too much,/ he wanted it to stop/ he did not want this. But before Dante had chance to resist, Damien bowed low and drew Dante in deeply.

Dante took a sharp intake, his eyes widening in surprise, as all the heat rushed to his crotch and instant pleasure burned fiercely.





yearning















The fire crackled brightly and merrily in the hearth, spitting and sparking around the perimeter and onto the stone floor that surrounded it. A pair of booted feet reclined over the metal fender, seemingly unaffected by the embers. Damien was nestled comfortably in a high-back chair, arms loosely hanging over the sides with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. His dark eyes appeared alight as they reflected the lively flames and his flesh illuminated by the warm glow, but his expression was dour with his brow deeply furrowed.
Absentmindedly Damien took a drag on the cigarette and then a mouthful of the amber drink before returning to his stony composure, the smoke seeping out through his nose as he gritted his teeth. Finally Damien broke from his rigidity, flexing his shoulders and shaking his head firmly. It was ridiculous, he thought as he mused on the events of the day just gone. Not only ridiculous but downright indulgent. Another swallow of drink. His mind wandered to Dante of course and, despite being so young, how extremely resilient he was. This was a trait that Damien greatly admired in anyone, but perhaps the original judgement of this boy was the correct one; maybe there was more than just a little madness in his mind.

Damien adjusted his position slightly, cracking his shoulders and rolling his neck as he tried to make sense of the array of thoughts. It seemed clear that Dante's reliance on superstition and false fears had become a necessity to deal with extreme loss, and yet he was also so mightily focused on his own suffering that Damien was becoming exasperated. The past was always something to be buried and never to be re-examined - it was fruitless and hardly worthy of the time it wasted. Had he dwelled on the traumas of his past? Had he agonised over the origins surrounding his birth and abandonment? Not at all. It was no way to develop and become one's own master, it only led to weakness and pathetic nihilism. And was Dante to be the victim of that? Damien breathed in deeply on his cigarette. It was true that the boy showed an inner strength, one incomparable to anyone Damien had known, and he had developed a great fondness for young Dante. It was easy to, Damien convinced himself. Dante was an utterly intriguing anomaly; such a combination of perpetual fear and ironwrought stamina, with all the magic and haunting mystery of a changeling. Damien lent his head back against the headboard and gazed at the yellowing ceiling. Not forgetting that he was undeniably attractive, sweet even - and yet he still believed in ghosts and monsters. Just like a child. Maybe this was what occurred when you were raised by insane guardians. Dante would need better educating, that itself was clear and Damien would be the only one qualified to do such a task.

'I understand you're not used to connections with others,  even affection.' Damien spoke gently but Dante stared down at the stone floor. 'But the transition, at the very least for me, from what we had felt in the beginning felt so natural it was remarkable. I have been overwrought since we met, aligned.'

'As have I,' Dante spoke up, 'But I-  I fear the actions may be precedent to something wrong.'  Damien's expression became stoic, his relaxed demeanor rapidly fell away and his eyes seemed almost cold.

Dante wrung his hands still fixated on the cracks in the slabs. 'Everything felt.. you felt..  unreal. But how I was raised, my understanding, always led towards the resolve of resistance and even abstaining! Hedonism destroyed my father and I always feared I would become him. ' Dante paused and let out a shuddering breath but Damien made little reaction and appeared fairly emotionless. 'And we are the same - our bodies the same. So how can this not seem disturbing?' Dante grew more distressed as Damien’s empty gaze became increasingly unnerving until he finally blurted out, 'I fear I may have committed a sin!'

Damien locked eyes with Dante, the latter's were now sparkling with tears. Damien's dark irises appeared a deepest black and were completely void of the soft glimmer that was always there. 'I would think,'  Damien began slowly, 'that I would be an expert on the understanding of sin.' There was an icy tremor to his tone but his expression was serious. 'You can hardly believe that I would allow myself the absolute indulgence without due cause and the understanding that the divine entities would accept.' Dante gripped his arms tightly and his mouth felt utterly dry as Damien continued. 'The layman rarely truly gains the comprehension,  the truth behind scripture and preaching. And your fears are nothing but the unintelligible ramblings of the delinquents who failed to grasp the real meaning.'

'Sin, but a concept to label the wickedness of man, is a force that adapts and is relative to the true nature of those involved. And I for one would not allow nor partake in such complete and unholy wickedness. There is no sinful intent and justification here.' Damien's eyes narrowed and he spoke hotly, 'And disturbing? You know nothing of the world and what is right or wrong aside from the distorted perspective gained from your inconsistent childhood.'

Then Damien raised himself up further, almost trembling with indignation, looking taller and more powerful than Dante had ever witnessed him. He felt like cowering. 'The devil does not speak nor move through me. I live and will die with pure intent and I am guided by the lord's bidding and always have been.'

'Forgive me.' Dante whispered, tears now spilling. Damien's glare didn't soften but his posture relaxed somewhat.

'You are right that I know nothing of the world. I meant no implication - or accusation ... I just don't understand what I feel, and what is happening. I am so confused!' Dante covered his face with his hands and trembled. 

'There is no need for hysterics.' Damien's voice came through, now softer. Suddenly Dante felt his fingers being gently prised from his face. He had always had to look up at Damien but his time he felt smaller than ever.

' But I understand and I would not mislead you my friend.'  Despite his gloved hands,  Dante could feel the heat of Damien's through the thick fabric and his fingertips seemed to pulse against his own. Damien held them for a while, turning them over in his large palms before trying to take the gloves off. Dante snatched his hands back horrified. 

'I have seen Dante, I know. From the day we met.' Damien reached and took Dante's hands again even through they were curled into fists, then ardently he peeled the material off. He ran his hands over the skin, touching the parts Dante could feel, sliding his fingers between his knuckles and right on the tips where there were no prints. Damien's eyes now gleamed once more and Dante found himself calming. Damien then lent forward and kissed Dante's forehead, then naturally began trailing his lips over Dante's hairline and down to his ear. Damien had to bend slightly as he traced over Dante's neck but as he did he also pulled Dante up towards him until Dante was on his tiptoes.  Both men were sighing as their bodies pressed and their grip intensified. Then their mouths naturally met. Dante felt an instant spark explode between them. Damien delved deeply and Dante responded eagerly, their hands now in each other's hair. Damien edged backwards, pulling Dante with him, feeling for the table's edge. When he reached it he half sat and with ease lifted Dante up against him. Dante heard items crash to the floor as they roughly moved, Damien managing to easily sit him on his lap. Then Damien excitedly gripped Dante's rump, until Dante felt the hard and heated bulge against their pressing thighs. Dante nearly leapt backwards as if he was scolded, Damien caught Dante before he fell to the floor.

'It's alright, it's alright.' Damien soothed , caressing Dante's face. Dante was still panting from the intensity but anguish defined his features as he casted his eyes aside. Damien eyed him carefully as he allowed his own breath to slow down gradually. He gently lowered Dante to the ground, brushing stray strands of hair out of his eyes. 'You are freezing still, let's get you by the fire.' 

Dante stared at he watched Damien conduct his sermon. Confusion blurred his thoughts and though he tried to understand he could not. Suddenly Dante realised he wasn't the only one studying the priest intently. The younger women of the audience were fixated on the speaker but it was clear it wasn't due to his words of wisdom. But Damien was charismatic,  Dante insisted to himself, charming, intelligent and magnetic. He was a fabulous public speaker too which of course gained him the adoration and affection of others. But that wasn't just it. 

Damien spoke passionately, propelling his clear and musical voice outward to all corners of the building, gesturing engagingly when appropriate and pausing for dramatic effect; thoroughly enjoying every moment of it. And as he spoke Dante simply gazed upon him for it was simply true that Damien looked so handsome in the throes of his well versed passion, with his flushed cheeks and the dark tresses of well tailored hair rebelliously falling forward across his brow. Realising himself and where he was, Dante too blushed deeply and forcibly casted his eyes down. 

After the sermon, Dante lingered as he often did. He had never noticed before how Damien ignored and was even unfriendly to the young girls who had so ardently admired him from a distance week in week out. But Dante could see they were attractive. Facially and otherwise. That had always been the same. But even though he felt foolish and shameful at his impure thoughts, they were still not the ones who were truly capturing his attention.  

_____________________________

Dante went to seek out Damien - met at the quarters attached to the church. 

Dante shifted uncomfortably in the doorway before entering. When he caught sight of Damien his heart started pounding. Damien turned as he heard Dante's heavy boots on the tiles, yet his expression was unreadable. 

Dante wrung his hands a little before speaking.. 'I.. I wondered if you have been avoiding me.' 

Damien looked genuinely confused for a moment then said 'Just because I haven't actively been seeking you out doesn't mean I have been avoiding you.' Then he smirked in that deriding manner he often presented. 

'I just -' Dante began but Damien interrupted, 'I haven't seen much of you really, perhaps you've been avoiding me.' He raised one eyebrow. 

'Not at all! I have been working and ..' Dante stammered, but Damien just laughed. He brushed his dark hair out of his eyes and walked over to Dante who seemed to shy away slightly. 

'I only jest.' He reached and took Dante's hand lightly and Dante felt a softness creep over him. Damien then gave one of his most winning smiles and Dante gave a small smile back. Then Damien frowned. 

'Your hands are freezing, and albeit the rest of you is also! Come.'

Damien lead Dante across the room towards the large fireplace and positioned him directly in front of the hearth. Dante rubbed his hands together as Damien added some more coal and used the poker to coax the embers. Soon the fire was burning merrily and Dante felt relieved. He was actually feeling numb with the cold. 

Damien went across the room to pour himself a drink while Dante stood before the heat of the flames gratefully. Suddenly he felt the presence of Damien close behind him. Dante felt himself rooted to the ground as Damien drew nearer, so close that Dante could feel his breath on the back of his neck. Once again the atmosphere was enlivened with that electrifying tension, so much so that Dante began to feel restive. Damien leant in and kissed the back of Dante's head, his chest practically pressed against Dante's shoulders. Dante found himself sighing gently as Damien traced his lips to the nape of his neck and then slowly weaved his arms around Dante's waist. Then the fire wasn't the only thing making Dante warm.

Damien's hands moved down Dante's body until he reached his Dante's waistline where his hands gripped tightly. Dante began to shake all over, Damien pulled him close and entwinned his fingers with Dante's. Suddenly Dante closed his eyes tightly, feeling Damien against him as he traced his lips over his skin. Then Damien slowly turned Dante to face him. Damien's eyes smouldered and Dante felt weak. Damien then cupped Dante's face and covered his mouth with his own. Their kiss wasn't as heated and desperate as their first, but it was firm and deep. Damien delved hard as Dante matched his movements until both men were trembling in each other's embrace.